"Writing my Mother’s Memoir"

Journaling was a form of venting for my mother. She wrote something about her day at least 5 out of 7 days. I don’t think she actually realized it at the time, but it became her escape. She wanted to document what was happening in her life. First it starts out with the everyday happenings, tending to the house and garden, having babies, getting the kids off to school etc. Then it became a way to identify situations that almost seemed unreal. It was like she was writing them down so she could actually believe what happened. Next it became necessary for her mental health to write what she witnessed and experienced since much of it was bizarre. Then her writing became frantic when she was trapped out in the country, during winter with heavy snows, when she realized she was being held a prisoner by my father. Her identity was disappearing and she was struggling to survive. 

This is all explained in her biography, More Martha Than Mary. She wanted me, her second youngest child, to write her story. 

This journey began in 2004, when I visited her in St. Louis. She was working hard to recover from a stroke and much of her left side was paralyzed. She was adamant about making sure her life experiences would be shared. She wanted to warn other young women, about what not to sacrifice for love. She thought her deep love for my father would conquer all, but it did not. I promised her I would do my best.

It took five years to just read her journals and organize them chronologically. This was an emotional challenge like nothing I have ever experienced. I was not aware so much had happened and what a difficult life she had. She was always joyful, positive, and strong when I was with her. Her secrets began to unfold and a pattern of evil appeared which rocked me to my core. She was a devout Catholic, trying to remain married to a man who didn’t love her and took advantage of her. He used the Bible to justify his behavior of demands and psychological abuse by quoting (out of context) St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, “Wives, be subject to your husbands in all things.” He conveniently left off the rest of the message, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church.” The true meaning is that both spouses should submit to Christ and both are equal in the eyes of God.

The next five years, I sorted through her own attempt at writing her memoir. The beginning was light and funny, despite growing up during the Great Depression. Her expressions and descriptions are priceless. I was happy I had this manuscript of what would be the first five chapters of her book. She got married at the age of 17 and I didn’t come along until she was 38, so I relied solely on her writings and her storytelling. After all nine children were born, her journaling became all-telling of a controlling husband and her struggle for survival and independence.

I named her book More Martha Than Mary, after her name, Martha Mary  and because she always said her personal frustration was that she was more Martha (the worker) than Mary (the lover). She was named after the two sisters of Lazarus who were good friends with Jesus. Martha asks Jesus to make Mary come help her prepare the meal instead of sitting at his feet, listening all day. Jesus responds: “Mary has chosen the better path,” for I may not always be with you. Luke 10:38-42

Mom just wished she could follow Jesus’ instruction and be present and listen to her guests. But who would cook the meal, set the table, and do the dishes? She was also existing under severe demands from her husband which forced her to continually work. Mom never minded hard work, she welcomed it. She liked the sense of accomplishment and wanted to please her family, so she would do just about anything, and she did. Her ‘adventures’ were certainly unique, even for the times.

It took me until October of 2025 to finish the research, document the findings, and relay her story, in her voice, as much as possible. I feel like more of a narrator, looking through the window to inside her soul. This experience has changed me forever.